Easier To Run
by Vinnies-Angel
Summary: A path of self destruction is told by the secrets he holds. Slash Chapter 3: In The End
1. Easier To Run

  
  


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Disclaimer: I don't own the ducks or anything that you do recognize in this story. The story title is a Linkin Park song and most of the chapter titles will be, too. The song used in chapter one is Linkin Park's song called 'Easier to Run' on the CD Meteora.  
  
Feedback: Yes please.  
  
Dedication: To anyone who needs a way out of pain, remember you can always talk to someone about it.  
  
This story in no way is about anyone I know. And please, if you do the things the main character does, talk to some one you know who can get you help, please don't go down a path of destruction.  
  


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I walked into my bathroom, shutting the door and locking it behind myself. I walked to my mirror and looked at my reflection. Tears still streamed down my cheeks and a smile played on my lips.  
  
I turned to the door to the shower. Opening it with a tug I reached in and turned on the water. I decided ninety degrees was the best to start with. I sniffed back my tears while waiting for the water to get hot.  
  
My wet hand reached for the on button on my old stereo next to the shower. I made sure the write CD was in there before pressing play. I sighed as the words floated out of the speaker and into my ears.  
It's easier to run  
  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
  
It's so much easier to go  
  
Than face all this pain here all alone My crystal blue eyes show my pain, the pain I've held for so very long. The pain of being different from everyone else, from hiding it away from them all. Something has been taken  
  
From deep inside of me  
  
A secret I've kept locked away  
  
No one can ever see  
  
Wounds so deep they never show  
  
They never go away  
  
Like moving pictures in my head  
  
For years and years they've played I've always wanted to be like them. But it's harder when you're from a different world. I spent most my life differently then they all did and now I've been thrown into a loop where I can't express myself like I used to. But I don't want to go back to my old life; I like my new one just as much as my old one. Possibly more because now I have Him. That him that you know you'll find and are always looking for. That one that you know will be it for you when you meet them. If I could change I would  
  
Take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
  
If I could  
  
Stand up and take the blame I would  
  
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would It was never accepted in my old life. To love another man, but it's different here. They'll accept me for whatever I decided to become. They'll love me no matter what. The Ducks will anyway. My family and the one I love, maybe not so much. Sometimes I remember  
  
The darkness of my past  
  
Bringing back these memories  
  
I wish I didn't have  
  
Sometimes I think of letting go  
  
And never looking back  
  
And never moving forward so  
  
There would never be a past I undress slowly, watching my reflection in the mirror ahead of me. My long sleeve shirt comes up over my head, ruffling my hair. Scars are all I can see on my upper body. Slits still left from the last time my life became to stressful. More tears fell and I moved to undo my pants. The buttons popped and my fingers pulled the zipper. They fell to the floor after that. I've become to thin for my clothes, they barely fit me anymore. My upper legs are covered in criss-cross lines, nothing in a straight path. My body shows my anger. My need to be accepted. Just washing it aside  
  
All of the helplessness inside  
  
Pretending I don't feel misplaced  
  
Is so much simpler than change I got into the shower and washed my hair quickly, the faster I get clean the sooner I can damage myself more.  
  
It's easier to run  
  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
  
It's so much easier to go  
  
Than face all this pain here all alone I turn the water degree up as my body gets more and more comfortable with the heat. When I've reached one hundred I know that's as much as my body can take. I move out of the line of water and turn the water to as high as it can go. The room becomes steamy and soon I can't see out of the glass doors around me. I sit in a corner of the box shaped shower, my knees to my chest and my arms wrapped around them. I move slowly, bringing my right arm to my left hand. I move it quickly across the blade held in my fingers. I felt powerful. I felt relieved. I felt amazing. I took the blade from my left and put it in my right. I did the same to my left arm as I had before and felt stronger. I felt as if the world was mine.  
  
And in this tiny bathroom, it is mine....... 


	2. Somewhere I Belong

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Disclaimer: I don't own the ducks or anything that you do recognize in this story. The story title is a Linkin Park song and the chapter titles will be, too. The song used in chapter one is Linkin Park's song called 'Easier to Run' on the CD Meteora.  
  
Feedback: Yes please.  
  
Dedication: To anyone who needs a way out of pain, remember you can always talk to someone about it.  
  
This story in no way is about anyone I know. And please, if you do the things the main character does, talk to some one you know who can get you help, please don't go down a path of destruction.  
  
~~*~~  
  
"Adam, someone's on the phone for you." I woke up to my father yelling at me. "Okay." I yelled back not fully awake. My hand reached out and flopped around on my night stand, hitting everything but my phone. Finally I felt the object I'd been searching for in my hand and brought it to my ear. "Hello?" I asked groggily. I received a laugh in response to my greeting. "Hey, Banksie. Some of us Ducks are going to the mall today to see a movie. It's my duty to call and ask if you want to come with us." I heard Charlie's voice laughing at the other end. "What movie and what time?" I asked. "Miracle, twelve noon." Charlie said. "See you at the theater." I hung up without waiting for Charlie's response. I rolled over and looked up at the ceiling of my bedroom, I yawned and stretched. I pushed the thought of falling back asleep with my head stuffed under my pillow away, getting up and getting dressed. I walked into my kitchen to see my mother making breakfast. "Well, where are you going, Sweetie?" She asked seeing me dressed. She walked over to where I sat and kissed my forehead. "Some of the Ducks and I are going to the movies. I hope that's okay." I said digging into my pancakes and eggs.  
  
"It's fine, Sweetie, you know your curfew though and I want you home before it." She said and went back to cooking having to make more for my little twin brothers who were begging for it. My family was unlike what everyone thought. Sure we were rich, but my parents took care of the house. My mother is a stay at home mom, still raising my seven year old brothers and my father goes to work on weekdays. My two older brothers are at college. Randy got into the University of Maine on a hockey scholarship and Zach is in Harvard studying law like my father. We're a close knit family, I know everything about my brothers, but they don't know everything about me.  
  
"I got to leave now if I plan on getting there on time." I said finishing my breakfast. "Bye, mom." I kissed her cheek and walked out of the kitchen. I moved to the front door and grabbed my car keys off the hook before walking out.  
  
I got in my car and adjusted my mirrors before pulling out. I turned on my radio and left it blasting as I drove to the mall.  
  
My left arm itched and I scratched it, opening my cuts. I noticed blood seeping through the tan button up shirt I had thrown over a white T-shirt. "Shit." I reached into the glove compartment to find a napkin. I pulled over and began to work on my arm. I placed the napkin over the cuts I opened and pressed, stopping the bleeding. I reached into the back of my CRV and grabbed my just in case black sweater. I pulled the tan shirt off and slipped the black sweater over my head. I pulled off the side of the road and continued onto until I reached the mall.  
  
I walked over to the Ducks normal meeting spot and saw my friends. Charlie and Goldberg were in a heated conversation about Minnesota Wild. Guy and Connie were all over each other. Fulton was sitting on the side with Portman next to him and both were listening to Ken and Julie with confused expressions on there faces, I guess it was something about school. No one noticed me walk up to them.  
  
"Do you really think they're going to catch on to what you're saying, Cat Lady?" I asked walking into Fulton, Portman, Julie, and Ken's conversation.  
  
"No, but it's worth a shot." She laughed.  
  
"Does everyone have a ticket?" I asked the group and Connie and Guy were kind enough to stop making out and pay attention to what I was asking.  
  
"Yeah, I got you one, too, Banksie." I directed my attention to Charlie who was speaking to me. A light blush crept onto my cheeks as I took the ticket from him.  
  
"Thanks, Conway." I said.  
  
"Now that we're all here, let's go see a Miracle!" Portman laughed and we all followed him into the theater.  
  
~~*~~  
  
Thanks to all the reviews I've gotten so far.  
  
Crazy4nc128- It was very sad but a necessary part of my story. I was so happy when I went onto ff.net last night that I saw you updated. I haven't reviewed yet cause ff.net feels like being mean to me but I will the first chance I get.  
  
Squirt00- Thanks for reading and reviewing. You are right, people really don't know how much saying a few words can change someone. I'm not sure if this'll be as powerful after I add chapters but I thank you for saying it is.  
  
Bye!  
  
~*Angel*~ 


	3. In The End

~~*~~  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the ducks or anything that you do recognize in this story. The story title is a Linkin Park song and the chapter titles will be, too. The song used in chapter one is Linkin Park's song called 'Easier to Run' on the CD Meteora.  
  
Feedback: Yes please.  
  
Dedication: To anyone who needs a way out of pain, remember you can always talk to someone about it.  
  
This story in no way is about anyone I know. And please, if you do the things the main character does, talk to some one you know who can get you help, please don't go down a path of destruction.  
  
~~*~~  
  
I didn't pay much attention to the movie, I already knew what happened in it. My attention was on Charlie.  
  
He was such a sweet man, and he hides it behind a rough exterior. I don't know of one person outside of the Ducks and our former coaches that know how great of a man he can be.  
  
He was laughing with Portman, and joking around with Ken. He looked so happy.  
  
Charlie's confided in me before how unhappy he is. Outside of hockey, he says his life is crap. I don't believe him. He's got a mother who cares for him, and a hell of a father in Coach Bombay. I don't think he has a reason to be so upset.  
  
Maybe the reason's because he has no one to love. He's told me before how much he just wants to hold someone, share all his secrets with them.  
  
I want to shout out to him that he could have that in me...  
  
The movie ended in a little over two hours and we all walked out of the theater. "So, it's only two, what do ya'll want to do?" Portman asked us.  
  
"Connie and I already said we want to go shopping." Julie stated grabbing Connie's hand. "We'll see you all later." She said and tried to drag Connie down towards a store.  
  
"You're leaving me?" Guy asked her pouting.  
  
"You can come with us if you want, but you can't complain." She said kissing him.  
  
"Alright. See you guys later." He said to us and followed the two girls. We all were still watching them walk off when Guy picked up Connie and swung her around.  
  
"They're cute together." Ken said turning to face us.  
  
"What do you want to do guys?" Fulton asked. "I can stay out until midnight." He said.  
  
"I actually wanted to talk to you, Banksie." I look over to the person who said that and surprise is evident on my face. I blush and follow him, walking away from the group.  
  
"So what are we doing, guys?" I hear Ken ask Portman and Fulton as I catch up to Charlie.  
  
"What do you want to talk to me about?" I ask, praying that it's what I hope and dream about. That he'll tell me he's in love with me the way I'm in love with him. That he'd say he can't live without me.  
  
We're outside the mall now and he turns to face me when we're finally alone. He opens his mouth to speak, my eyes following the gentle curve of skin that forms his lips. He's saying something but I don't hear, it looks like 'I love you'.  
  
"I'm sorry, what?" I ask shaking my head and getting back on track.  
  
"I said this is kind of embarrassing." I start to smile, I think I know what he has to tell me. "But my mother asked me if she could have the house to herself tonight, and I was wondering if I could stay at yours." My heart breaks and the smile melts off my face. I shut my eyes for a moment, reveling it what his words could've been. "I don't have to." He says quickly seeing my reaction. "I mean, I can ask someone else, I'm sure it's okay for Fulton to have me stay over."  
  
"No, it's okay, Charlie. I'm sure my parents will be happy to make up the guest bedroom for you." I said coming to my senses, Charlie would be sleeping at my house.  
  
"Guest bedroom? Haven't you ever had a sleep over, Banks?" He padded my shoulder and we started walking towards my car.  
  
"Fine, you can sleep on the floor if you really want to." I said laughing with him.  
  
Charlie and I got into my car. Charlie doesn't drive yet, well, he does but he doesn't have a car because his mother uses it and he doesn't have enough money to buy one.  
  
"We have to go to your house first, right?" I asked him screaming over the music playing in my CRV.  
  
"Yeah, I need to pick up some clothes." I heard him yell back. We were quiet on the ride to his house. I listened to my music and kept my eyes on the road, determined not to look at him.  
  
~~*~~  
  
So, what do you think so far? It's kind of obvious in this chapter who the main character's in love with..... It's Charlie. Like it wouldn't be, everyone knows they're the only two I ones I'd put either with unless it was a het story.  
  
BloodyRaine- I'm interested myself to see what I put Banksie through. I never have a set plan for a story, I just sit down and type and whatever comes out, comes out, so I'll be as surprised as you with each chapter I write.  
  
Rachel- You're right, many people who do have cutting problems have a normal loving family. Many people also have normal lives and appear to be happy so I'm glad to be able to portray this story as it should be, giving Banksie a normal life.  
  
Crazy4nc128- Of course I still read and remember your fics! I love your fics about the Duckies. They're some of the stories I've ever read, including all the Backstreet Boys fan fiction I read. I did write a review so I hope you got it, as for who's going to find out about Adam cutting, you're going to have to wait, read and see.  
  
Darkdestiney2000- Isn't it sad? I would love to be able to put him through happiness and joy but pain comes with life and I like to give truth to my stories so everything is not all happy go lucky unless it's a story meant to be that way. Thanks for the review.  
  
Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, I'm happy to see people enjoying my stories!  
  
~*Angel*~ 


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